so yeah...I haven't written a blog in a long time. Usually, I would be writing about how depressed I am, but I'm not. I am so happy it's rediculous. I love Emily so much. It's amazing how she came into my life and changed me so much for the better. She is so beautiful. All those years I was worried about finding someone who loved me for me...I never thought she'd be in Corinna. She lights up my life, and she cares about me. That's all I ever wanted. Now I have everything I want. Whenever I see a shooting star, I won't need to wish for anything.

Happier than ever...

I'm happier than I have ever been before in my life. I owe it all to Emily. She has introduced me to so many things I never would have known if I didn't know her. I lover her so much it's almost scary. it used to scare me, but it doesn't anymore. I constantly think about her no matter where I am. I just can't help myself. I never thought I would be capable of loving someone as much as I love this gal. She is my Daisy, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Anyhoo, S school is starting off great. I have "A's" in all my classes, and I am in Combo, Ensemble, Lab Band, Jazz Chorus, Chorus, Symphonic Band, and Music Theory. I am really happy with the way my life is going at this present time. I am excited, and I am full of life...This has never happened to me before...

something that resembles happiness, and other things

so...after all these years of suffering, I am happy. That is the greatest feeling in the world. Emily has been my shining star in my land of darkness in which I dwelled. It would have been unbelievable to think that I would be so happy a year ago. I decided that I am going to type everything that I think for the next few minutes. so...here it goes... I'm glad that schools over. that makes (I'm screwing up the typing on all of these words, and it's starting to make me frustrated) I like how those are in parenthasis...I spelled that wrong, but who cares...me...I do...that's just how I am. I guess it was the countless hours of spelling in the hallway when I was in grammar school...they broke me...they took away my social skills by alienating me. maybe that's why...that was disturbing...I accidently hit the enter button on "here it goes" and I had to fix it when I noticed it...where was I. Oh! they made it impossible for me to interact with other people..have you ever said a word too much so that it doesn't sound like a word anymore...I just had a enormous gap in my typing...kind of like a dramatic pause...that's kind of funny, but not really. I think it was funny ish...yes I said ish. I also say no worries. Emily didn't think I said that in public, but I do..I was over to her house when I said it to ashleigh on the phone...that's the last time she really talked to me...it makes me kind of sad, but she is such a negative person, and it pains me to see her like this. I don't want to see my friends hurt...it hurts me as well...I just wish that I could tell her everything that pops into my head when it does, but she gets frustrated with me and my little "escapades" not even sure if I spelled that right, but here I go again on a tangent about spelling...no worries...ish...why do I always put dot.dot.dot. whenever I end something. There really is no good spot to put that in my conversations...why do I always hit the cap locks key also...just clumsy I suppose...this is pretty cool. Blogger saves my draft automatically, so I don't lose these meanigless thoughts dribbling out of my head...useful, huh? I wonder where my keys are...I hope that I did not lock them in my car...I would be so dissapointed with myself if I did that...I don't think I locked my car though...I hope so...my neck hurts I just cracked it. emily doesn't like it when I crack things...it makes her feel like she's going to be sick...that isn't good. I was really worried about her last night...I thought she might have been coming down with something so I checked her temperature every other minute...that isn't bad, is it? I just want her to feel good...I really do care for her more than I do myself...she just makes myself feel the best I ver had...this is probably going to offend somebody, and I don't care...these are my thoughts, and no one else can control them. I hate it when people try to control my life..ashleigh left me a coment saying that I don't respect her...that's coplete bullshit seeming as I respect her more than anyone on this planet...I just don't like it how she can fool around, and when I try to do stuff too, she starts barking orders like she was doing it the whole time...I need to go find my keys now...

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99
Wear Sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth;
oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and
beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind;
the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts,
don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy;
sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults;
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what
you want to do with your life
the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't,
maybe you'll have children,maybe you won't,
maybe you'll divorce at 40,
maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself
too much or berate yourself either
your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can
don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it,
it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own..

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents,
you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings;
they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,
but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;
live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths,
prices will rise,
politicians will philander,
you too will get old,
and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable,
politicians were noble
and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse;
but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair,
or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but,
be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling
it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen

Well

pretty soon I'm going to be publishing my book on Blogger...I'm planning on calling it "Out with the trash: A guide for guys on how to get dumped" It's going to include every one of my failed relationships, and the best/worst memories of my life.

**Much Peace**

More Poetry

Looking into the mirror I see
something that doesn't resemble me
I see blankness, and a void which cannot be filled
I see the faces of a millon people, I've never seen before
yet, they look oh so familiar
I see them laugh, I see them cry
I see them live, I see them die
It's been two long years since I lost myself
I'm afraid that I'll never be found
Another casualty of this stupid war
I really don't want to play anymore
Not that I think of this as a game, because I do not
because no one really know when it comes down to the matters of the heart
I suffer the worst wound of all
Some might say I'm cunfused, misguided, others say I'm hopeless
but I say I won't rest until the day I'm told this...
I love you. [shakkaa]

The four immeasurables...

May everyone be happy,
May everyone be free from misery,
May no one ever be separated from their happiness,
May everyone have equanimity, free from hatred and attachment.

Poem

[This is a poem I wrote about my double ear infection that won't go away. All I can hear is the beating of my own heart.]

A drum beats inside my head
It’s all I hear
Beating me into submission, I surrender
It’s too much
The music of misery is the music that no one else can hear
It’s the saddest music of all
I look for help, but none comes
I’m all by myself
No room for all my thoughts
There’s too much pressure
The distant echo of sounds heard by others is all I can hear

I march to the beating of my drums